Asrenner.com is not my first website. I had another one for my pen name Sina Jasur. Minimalism, veganism and other topics I loved to research were what I wrote about there. Friends and strangers approached me to talk about my blog posts. They wanted to discuss my decision to be vegan or told me that they never would only wear black, as I prefer.
Me being the centre of attention and feeling judged, not a good combo. I realised I liked to research these things, but I didn't want to share it with the public. I want to make decisions for my life without having to discuss those with people.
Don't get me wrong. If you seek information on those topics, I am happy to send you my eBook "Minimalist" or some resources to embark on the vegan journey. It was the judgemental attitude of some people that got to me. It took some more time to realise that I am an introvert, which makes me more private than other bloggers. I have to be cautious of what I share with people as comments can throw me off for days.
After a party, my sister told me she saw me lighten up while talking to a fellow writer about writing! Her remark got me thinking. I was close to finishing my novel. I knew I needed to put up a writers website at some point. My sister was right, I love to talk about writing, and the writing community is so kind. Authortube on YouTube has been one of my happy places for years.
So, I started this website and started to blog again. My main goal was to tell people about my book. To make them aware that there is this novel I wrote and they should buy it. But this didn't feel right to me. I love my book but selling it is difficult for me. I tweaked my blog's contents, but having this selling aspect in the back of my head blocked my creativity.
Still, I got aware that I like helping people with their writing struggles. I have been on this writing journey for a while, and I learnt a lot from publishing my first novel. So, I decided to become a writing coach, as well.
And now I did not only want to sell my book but also my coaching business! I deleted many blog posts that I thought did not fit into the writing and coaching theme. And this blocked me even more!
I want my writing (and my coaching) to come from the heart. I want my writing to be honest. I want people to seek me out or buy my novel because they feel a connection with me. I felt stuck, and whenever I had an idea for a post, my brain got to me, and I avoided writing it or publishing it. Everything I wrote for the website did not feel like me, Anja, the introverted writer.
I booked a tarot coaching session with my friend Peg Cheng last week. One of the topics we discussed was my website and the writing block I'm experiencing. Peg advised me to stop thinking about it and take active steps. She told me to get back into a blogpost writing routine; I need to press the publish button, even if I still feel insecure about it. The more I write, the more clarity I will get about the messages I want to transport to people. And the cards said I need to get out of my comfort zone! Ouch!
But the cards and Peg were right! Too long, I hesitated to write out in the open. It feels so much safer to write into my journal for no one to see. But on the other hand, I crave connection with people who know what I am talking about, people who go through the same stuff as I am. How are they ever going to find me if I hide behind my journal?
Another thing the coaching session helped me clarify: the content of my blog. I will write about my journey as a writer. My feelings, what excites me, what I have been through so far and what helps my creativity.
More honesty and more vulnerability. A writer's diary.
AS Renner is the author of the novel City of Lies. Under the pseudonym Sina Jasur, she has published several non-fiction books on Minimalism, Self-Publishing on Amazon and Nutrition. As a coach for intuitive writing, she supports creatives in finding their voice. The subscribers to her newsletter are currently receiving the free eBook "Intuitive Writing. My Seven Steps to a Finished Novel."